If you think you’re confused, think of Christopher Columbus. First, he didn’t know where he was going. When he got there, he didn’t know where he was. And when he got back home, he didn’t know where he’d been! (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 73)
* * * * *
George Durrant: Two beginning but lucky deer hunters had shot a big buck. They were dragging it to the camp when an experienced hunter coming up the trail observed they were pulling it by its hind legs. He helpfully suggested, “If you fellers would pull the deer by its horns, you’ll be dragging it with the grain of the hair, and it will go much more easily.”
Taking this advice, the hunters took hold of the horns and dragged the deer for an other hour. Finally one said to the other, “He was right; it does drag easier this way.”
“Yes,” replied the other, “But we’re getting further and further away from the camp.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 74).
* * * * *
J. Golden Kimball to a group of less active young men: You are like me. You have been ordained to the priesthood of God in this Church and there is no such thing as resigning from the priesthood. When you joined the Church and received the priesthood, you made a covenant with God and you can’t resign unless you leave the Church or commit a sin and get disfellowshipped. Let’s pull together. Suppose I do everything the Lord wants me to do and when I leave this life he says, “Good boy, Golden, go on up there.” And I am exalted to the highest place and you people lag behind and fail. What fun can I have up there playing the jew’s harp and talking to myself and knowing you fellows are stuck in the mud somewheres?” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 72)