November 11

“I’ll be a hundred years old this month,” the oldest Ward member announced to the bishop. “And I don’t have one single enemy in the whole world.”

“That’s a wonderful attitude,” said the bishop.

“Well, bishop,” said the old man, “The truth is that I’ve outlived every one of them.”

(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 9)

* * * * *

Arwell L. Pierce: I recall with much interest the visit of President George Albert Smith to the Mexican Mission in May of 1946...Well, he was determined to climb to the top of the Pyramid of the Sun, so two missionary Elders, one on either side of the President, helped him climb those many steep steps to the top. About half way up President Smith stopped, and with a smile looked at first one and then the other Elder, and said, “Well, I might can help one of you up here, but [I don’t think I can help] two of you” Conference Report, April 1951, 112-13).

(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 11)

* * * * *

Seminary teacher: “Bill, when I was your age, I could name all the Church presidents in order.”

Bill: “Well, sure. Back then there were only two or three.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 9)

* * * * *

A distraught woman came to Brigham Young for advice. “My husband keeps telling me to go to hell,” she said. “What should I do about it?”

In his characteristically practical way, Brigham replied, “Don’t go.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 8)

* * * * *

There was a very interesting relationship that existed in old Salt Lake between my Uncle Golden and John F. Fitzpatrick, the publisher of The Salt Lake Tribune. Fitzpatrick was a good Catholic who occupied his position from 1924 to 1960. The two men had a unique bond.

Jack Gallivan, who himself later became publisher of the Tribune, has told me a number of stories that he remembers about the two . . . Mr. Gallivan remembers sitting in the outer offices and listening to the two of them swap stories and laugh about certain people or problems of the day.

On one occasion, they fell to talking about tithing in the LDS Church. Mr Fitzpatrick understood that Golden was having to struggle with his finances and kidded Uncle Golden a bit about the tithing issue. “Come on, Golden, I know how much you’re struggling. You can’t possibly be paying a full ten percent tithing. You don’t make enough money to enjoy the luxury of a ten percent tithing.”

“You may be right, John--it is hard to pay ten percent,” Golden admitted.

There was a thoughtful silence. Then Golden said, “Hell, I don’t make ten percent!”

(More J. Golden Kimball Stories, p. 65)

So, You’re a Bishop?  p. 34

So, You’re a Bishop? p. 34