November 16

“How did you sleep last night?”

“Like a top. I spun all night.”

Policeman who pulled a lady over for speeding: “Lady, you were doing seventy miles an hour.”

Lady: “Oh, isn’t that wonderful. And I only learned how to drive yesterday.”

(G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, p. 57)

* * * * *

Question: Who was the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?

Answer: David--he rocked Goliath to sleep.

(Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, p. 25)

* * * * *

There once was a bishop named John,

Renowned for his mammoth-sized yawn.

In some meetings he’d nap

With his head pointing down to his lap,

‘Cause he started his Sundays ‘fore dawn.

(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, p. 25)

* * * * *

A little girl complained that she didn’t want to go back to school.

“But why, Jenny?” asked her mother.

“Well, I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk.”

(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 40)

* * * * *

The Klu Klux Klan was an organization that Golden had the greatest contempt for. He personally witnessed their inhumanity against Blacks, Jews, and (on a first-hand basis) Mormons. He thought they were imbeciles of the highest order.

Golden had many encounters with the Klan, both as a missionary and as a mission president. His disdain for the men in sheets made him reckless. In every encounter, he wouldn’t let them have the upper hand.

Mormon missionaries were accused by the Klan of seducing the wives and daughters of the White South to be taken back to live in polygamous slavery in Utah. Golden said one only had to look at their wives and daughters to know that such a thing couldn’t possibly be true. Even polygamists have standards [he said].

In a letter home, he said this of the Klan: “It’s a waste of a good sheet. He described to his brother Elias how the Klan dressed. “They cover themselves in a white sheet, and there’s a hood for the head with two small openings for their eyes. This hood has a point to it, which is more than could be said for their beliefs.” (More J. Golden Kimball Stories, p. 97)

So You’re a BYU Football Fan , p. 23

So You’re a BYU Football Fan, p. 23