November 19

“Are you troubled very much in your neighborhood by borrowing?”

“Yes, a great deal. My neighbors don’t seem to have anything I need.”

(G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities by Alma Heaton, p. 59)

* * * * *

A Sunday School teacher asked, “Sarah, what do we know about the Dead Sea?”

Knowing nothing about it, Sarah answered, “Dead? I didn’t even know it was ill.”

(Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 26)

* * * * *

You probably are or have been a Latter-day Saint Missionary if:

Elder doesn’t necessarily mean older.

You gave away scriptures to someone you just met.

You enjoy telling people why they are here and where they are going when they die.

(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 31)

* * * * *

Each time I pass a church,

I always pay a visit.

So when at last I’m carried in,

The Lord won’t say, “Who is it?”

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A woman went to the post office to mail her daughter a new set of scriptures. The clerk asked if the package contained anything breakable. “Just the Ten Commandments,” she replied.

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City cousin: “Look at that bunch of cows.”

Country cousin: “Don’t you know anything? Not bunch. Herd.”

City cousin: “Heard what?”

Country cousin: “Herd of cows.”

City cousin: “Of course I’ve heard of cows! How stupid do you think I am?”

Country cousin: “No! A cow herd.”

City cousin: “Why should I care if a cow heard? I’ve got no secrets from a cow!”

(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 46, 49)

* * * * *

Near the end of his life, Golden was discussing the principle of revelation with a friend. He reflected back on his reckless cowboy days and said, “When the Lord calls an old cowboy-mule skinner like me to be a General Authority, brother, I tell you it has to be revelation.”

(More J. Golden Kimball Stories, p.104)

So, You’re a Bishop,  p. 28

So, You’re a Bishop, p. 28