Novembr 21

Two farmers were asked, “What would you do if you were to inherit a million dollars tomorrow? George said that he would quit working at once, fish, take life easy, and live off income from his windfall. Paul scratched his head, thought a while, and answered, “I reckon I’d just keep on farming until the money was all gone.” (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities by Alma Heaton, p. 59)

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Question: What were Lot’s last words to his wife?

Answer: “Honey, are the girls still following us?”

(Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 26)

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Questions about Noah and his ark:

What kinds of pets did Noah have as a child? Did he always ask for two of them?

Did Noah try to keep the flies and mosquitoes off, but they snuck on anyway?

(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 34)

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Camilla Kimball’s deaf sister stayed with the Kimballs for twenty-five years. After her death, Elder Kimball’s son Ed, meaning to be helpful, asked him, “Do you want me to call [my brothers] Andy and Spencer to tell them about Aunt Mary’s death?”

“Yes, he replied, “would you please.”

“Would you like me to call one of them before the other?”

Elder Kimball paused. “Yes.”

(Kimball, “Spencer W. Kimball,” BYU Studies 25 [4]: 68).

(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 53)

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When Brother B.H. Roberts, president of the First Quorum of Seventy, died in 1933, the family asked Uncle Golden to dedicate the grave.

The burial was planned to be in Centerville, Utah. The Cemetery there had fallen on hard times: lots of weeds, over-grown grass, picket fences falling down. It was a pathetic sigh with headstones sticking up willy-nilly among the brambles.

Friends and family gathered around the grave for the dedication ceremony. Golden took his place at the head of the grave and looked around at the sad little cemetery.

“Before I dedicate this grave, I want to say something. This is one hell of a place to bury one of the Lord’s anointed.”

He then offered the dedicatory prayer.

Some of the city fathers were there, and Golden’s comments shamed them into action. They appropriated money to repair the picket fence, clear out the weeds, and put in new grass. Today, the Centerville Cemetery is a place of beauty and a source of civic pride.

(More J. Golden Kimball Stories, p.112)

Mormon Life  , p. 21