Albert hates to help with the dishes. After six years of marriage, his wife adjusted to this, and so was able to accept with reasonably good humor the helpful suggestion he made as they were hurrying to go out on the morning of Mother’s Day.
Since it’s YOUR day,” Albert jokingly said, “why don’t you leave the dishes until tomorrow?” (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities by Alma Heaton, p. 61)
* * * * *
Question: Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
Answer: Pharaoh’s daughter–she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
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A mother asked her nine-year-old son: “What did you learn in Primary today?
The son answered, “We learned how Moses led the Israel battalion into the Red Sea against a large Egyptian Army, and by superior military strategy completely destroyed Pharaoh’s Air Force, Navy, and Marines in one afternoon.”
Mother: “Are you sure that’s what the teacher said?”
Son: “Well, not exactly Mom, but you would never believe it the way the teacher told it.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 27)
* * * * *
Signs that you’re a Veteran Scoutmaster:
You can’t remember the last time you took a vacation that didn’t involve camping.
You fall asleep faster in a sleeping bag than on a mattress.
You have eaten several times your body weight in burnt hot dogs and marshmallows. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 36)
* * * * *
After a long private meeting, two politicians came out to face some eager reporters. One reporter asked, “Was the meeting a success?”
“Yes,” replied one of the politicians. “We had an excellent exchange of views.”
“What do you mean, an exchange of views?” asked the reporter.
“Well, I’ll explain,” said the politician. “He came in with his views and went out with mine.”
Did you hear about the man who refused to listen to his conscience? He didn’t want to take advice from a total stranger. (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 55)
* * * * *
Golden was asked by President Grant to represent the Brethren at a graveside funeral service of a Kaysville banker who died wealthy, but without a single friend.
The deceased and his only brother had amassed a fortune loaning money to poor farmers at high interest rates and foreclosing on them for the smallest of infractions.
Only Golden, the bishop, and the overworked, underpaid secretary of the departed attended the service.
The bishop could not think of a thing to say about this man. He stumbled through a few platitudes then, in desperation, turned to Uncle Golden and asked him to offer a few words.
Caught completely off guard, Golden stepped up to the mahogany casket, paused for several moments, then commented, “His brother was worse! Amen.” (More J. Golden Kimball Stories, p.113)