November 24

Salesman: “This machine will do half your work.”

Buyer: “Fine, I’ll take two of them.”

John: “Why is Edward pacing up and down like that?”

Doug: “He is awfully worried about his wife.”

John: “What’s she got?”

Doug: “The car.” (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities by Alma Heaton, p. 63-64)

* * * * *

After reading about Noah, a young grandson surprised his grandmother by saying he knew the name of Noah’s wife.

“I don’t think the Bible tells us what her name was,” she said.

“Oh, yes it does,” he insisted. “It says that Noah found Grace in the eyes of the Lord.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 28)

* * * * *

Why is it that if your toddler gets away from you during Sacrament meeting, he doesn’t run out into the hall, but goes directly up the stairs to the stand? (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 39)

* * * * *

He said, “You’re the sunshine of my life. When you’re near me, the gray clouds disappear and the radiant beams of light chase away the dark and the cold. When you leave me, the world is chilly and the clouds appear...”

She said, “Is this a marriage proposal or a weather report?”

===

He said, “Do you love me?”

She said, “Yes, you know I do.”

He said, “Would you be willing to live on my income?”

She said, “Of course. That is–if you can get another one for yourself.”

(Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 63, 64)

* * * * *

Near the end of his life, a good friend commented: “Brother Kimball, there will never be another like you.”

Uncle Golden’s response was, “I’m sure that brings a great deal of comfort to many of the Brethren.” (More J. Golden Kimball Stories, p. 42)