November 25

My wife wants me to get a dishwasher.

You’re lucky. My wife thinks she married one.

——

Responding to a knock at the door, Grace found Jane standing apologetically before her.

“I just ran over your cat,” said Jane. “I’d like to replace it.”

Grace replied: “Okay, could you go catch that mouse I just saw by the back door?” (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities by Alma Heaton, p. 64)

* * * * *

A Primary child confidently told his Primary class, “Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.”

Question: Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

Answer: Noah–he was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 28, 29)

* * * * *

If any of these people were living today:

Would Noah own any pets?

Would Daniel’s house have a den in it?

Would Joshua be a demolition expert? (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 42)

* * * * *

Boy: Meet me at La Caille at six o’clock tonight.

Girl: La Caille? Wow! That’s a really classy restaurant!

Boy: Yea, and it’s really close to the hamburger joint where we’re going to eat. (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 64)

* * * * *

J. Golden Kimball was addressing an assembly of BYU students on the subject of tithing. He asked the young people how many paid a full tithing, and only about a fourth raised their hands. Brother Kimball then said, “How many of you would die for the Gospel?” Everybody shot up their hands. “That’s what I thought,” he said, “you’d rather die than pay your tithing.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p.58)