November 29

Mary: “Tomorrow is our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Don’t you think you had better go out and kill a chicken?”

Husband: “Why kill a chicken for what happened twenty-five years ago?” (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities by Alma Heaton, p. 71)

* * * * *

On the Sunday before New Year’s Day, a new Bishop told the congregation that when he had been made Bishop, he had set a goal of visiting every family in the Ward before the year ended.

Apologizing that he had not met this goal, he asked anyone to raise their hand if they had been missed and really needed a visit before the end of the year.

Only one person raised her hand–the Bishop’s wife. (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 33)

* * * * *

You are probably a descendant of a pioneer if:

You despise crickets even though you rarely see one.

You know that there is a place farther west than Far West.

You know that Winter Quarters isn’t cold, hard cash.

(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 44)

* * * * *

Marvin J. Ashton: Our journey through life must be charted. We must know where we’re going. I’m reminded of a man in New York who jumped into a taxicab and said, “Hurry, hurry, I’m late!” The cab driver took off with a lurch and wove rapidly through traffic.

Suddenly his passenger said, “Oh, I forgot to tell you where to go.”

“I know,” said the cabby, “but we are surely making good time” (New Era, July 1981, 17) (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 73)

* * * * *

Brother Golden was entering Hotel Utah in a revolving door, and Brother Grant was going through the other way. Brother Grant made it through the other side, but Brother Golden, in his lanky way stumbled around the revolving door once or twice and then spilled into the hotel lobby. Brother Grant, seeing him fall, ran to his side and asked Brother Golden to speak to him, to which Brother Golden replied, “Hell, Heber, I passed you twice, and you didn’t greet me–why the hell do you expect me to speak to you now?” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 63)

Mormon Life , p. 31

Mormon Life, p. 31