A little boy asked his grandfather, “Why do you spend so much time reading the scriptures?”
“Well, my boy,” answered the grandpa, “I guess you could say I’m cramming for the final examination.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 222-223)
* * * * *
An elderly women had just returned to her home from homemaking meeting when she was startled by an intruder. “Stop.” she yelled, “Acts 2:38.” The burglar turned and pointed his gun at her, but she yelled again, “Stop! Acts 2:38.”
The man dropped his gun to the floor and raised his hands to the air. He didn’t move an inch while the women called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer handcuffed the man to take him in, he asked him, “Why did you give up so easily? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you.”
“Scripture!” the burglar exclaimed, “I thought she said she had an ax and two 38's.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 223)
* * * * *
J. Golden Kimball: I am going to read to you a little that has been culled from the Bible as to the mission of Christ. I would quote it, but I never dare quote scripture, for after I get through quoting you wouldn’t recognize it.
I am a little like father, when he used to quote scripture, he would say, “Well, if that isn’t in the Bible, it ought to be in it.” (Conference Report, October 1910, p. 31-32; Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 224).