December 1

Explaining why he never got married, Frank said, “I decided very early that I’d rather go through life wanting something I didn’t have than having something I didn’t want.” (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities by Alma Heaton, p. 72)

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It was time to go to Church, so a mother told her three-year-old daughter to put her shoes on. Later, the mother noticed that he daughter’s shoes were on wrong, and she explained, “Your shoes are on the wrong feet.” The daughter answered, “But Mom, these are the only feet I have.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 40)

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As Luck Would Have It:

If I plant a garden, all that sprouts are weeds.

When I try to diet, more pounds I’m sure to gain.

If I am in a hurry, something always makes me late. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 46)

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George Durrant: Two beginning, but lucky deer hunters, had shot a big buck. They were dragging it to camp when an experienced hunter coming up the trail, observed that they were pulling it by its hind legs. He helpfully suggested, “If you fellers would pull the deer by the horns, you’ll be dragging it with the grain of the hair, and it will go more easily.”

Taking this advice, the hunters took hold of the horns and dragged the deer for another hour. Finally one said to the other, “He was right, it does drag easier this way.”

“Yes,” replied the other, “but we’re getting farther and farther away from camp.” (Durrant, Look at the Sky, 2). (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 74)

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One night there were some ruffians out after midnight, and they were making a lot of noise by J. Golden Kimball’s house, and he wasn’t getting any sleep. Finally he opened the window and yelled out to them, “You all go to hell! It’s obvious that’s where you’re going anyway, so why don’t you just go now, so we can get some sleep.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 68)

Mormon Life , p. 32

Mormon Life, p. 32