December 12 Humor

One Sunday, after releasing the previous Relief Society presidency and sustaining the new, the first counselor in the bishopric said, “I’d like to invite the old Relief Society presidency...”

He stopped for a moment and then said, “I mean I would like to invited the past presidency to bear their testimonies.” (Mormon Mishaps and Mischief, by D.N. Giles and C.L. Beck, p. 25)

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Before giving a lesson on the birth of Jesus at Christmas time, a Primary teacher asked, “Does anyone know the name of Jesus’ mother?”

A young girl raised her hand and said, “Mary.”

“That is correct,” said the teacher.

The teacher then asked, “Does anyone know the name of Jesus’ step-father?”

After thinking about it, a young boy answered, “His name is Virg.”

Surprised by the answer, the teacher asked, “How did you come up with that name?”

The boy replied, “Virg and Mary.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 50)

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If a giant bug splatters the windshield right in front of your eyes:

Be glad you can drive.

Be thankful it wasn’t a moose.

Be appreciative that you have a windshield. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 56)

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When Frederick the Great was seized with his mortal illness, he asked an advisor whether it was necessary to forgive all his enemies. On receiving the proper answer, he said to the queen, “Dorothy, write to your brother that I forgive him all the evil he has done me---but wait till I am dead first.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 92)

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In an effort to control Brother Kimball’s swearing over the pulpit, Heber J. Grant wrote out a conference talk for him to read. J. Golden stumbled over a few lines, squinting at the page and really trying to comply with the president’s request. Finally, he put the paper down, and turned to President Grant, who was sitting on the stand behind him, and said, “Hell, Heber, I can’t read this thing!” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 83)