December 17

A group of young men liked sitting on the back row during sacrament meeting, and this was no exception. One boy in the group had the assignment to say the closing prayer following the fast and testimony meeting. Soon after the testimonies started, he fell asleep. About fifteen minutes later, one of the boys noticed and nudged him awake. He quickly jumped up from the bench, walked to the podium, and closed the meeting with prayer–twenty-five minutes early! (Mormon Mishaps and Mischief, by D.N. Giles and C.L. Beck, p. 57)

* * * * *

Sister Broderick was asked by her non-member neighbor to be with her when she visited a spiritualist. The neighbor wanted to try to get in contact with her deceased husband. Though Sister Broderick was very hesitant about doing this, she finally agreed. During the visit, the spiritualist contacted the dead husband.

The neighbor lady asked him, “Bob, are you happy now?”

“I’m very happy,” was his reply.

“Tell me, Bob, what is it like in heaven?”

“Heaven?” asked Bob. “Who’s in heaven?” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 61)

* * * * *

If you are faint from fasting:

Be glad you aren’t asked to skip four meals.

Be thankful that going without food doesn’t destroy taste buds.

Be appreciative of the 30 days until you do it again.

(Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 57)

* * * * *

It was said that Oliver Cromwell, the English statesman and soldier, usually said the following blessing before meals: “Some people have food but no appetite; others have appetite, but no food. I have both. The Lord be praised.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 98)

* * * * *

A woman with two brothers came to see J. Golden Kimball. One of her brothers, who was a good and loving man with a young family, had just died. The other brother, who was a scoundrel at best, was still very healthy.

The sister asked J. Golden why this could happen. Why couldn’t the Lord take the other brother, the scoundrel, and leave the good brother here?

J. Golden thought for a moment and then said, “Well, I reckon the Lord didn’t want that [scoundrel] of a brother any more than you do!” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 93)

Mormon Life  , p. 48