December 19

In a crowded Sunday School room, a middle-aged wife–whose children were all teenagers– leaned over to her husband, her face intent as she said, “Honey, I forgot to tell you. I’m going to have a baby–“

As she said this, a sister from the Ward tapped her on the shoulder. The wife turned to talk to the sister and didn’t notice the shocked look on her husband’s face at the big news she had so casually dropped.

Afer finishing her conversation, she turned back to her husband, never noticing his now green pallor and sweating forehead, and picked up where she left off. “I was saying I’m going to have a baby shower for my niece next Saturday. Why don’t you go fishing?” (Mormon Mishaps and Mischief, by D.N. Giles and C.L. Beck, p. 58)

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Sister Hathaway said to her neighbor, “Before I was married, I had five ideas for raising children. Now I am married, have five children–and no ideas.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 65)

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If you are the scout master of 12 rowdy boys:

Be glad that they don’t all live with you.

Be thankful for aspirin and closing prayers.

Be grateful there aren’t twenty of them. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 57)

* * * * *

A Bishop decided to visit one of the families in his Ward. On the appointed afternoon, he was formally greeted and shown into the family’s spotless living room. The Bishop looked around, smiled at the family and said, “I’m glad to see you are living so comfortably.”

A young daughter spoke up, “Oh, Bishop, if you want to know how we really live, you must come when you’re not here.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 103)

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J. Golden Kimball often performed marriage sealings in the temple. As the couple would kneel at the altar, he would say, “Okay take each other by the hand...I said take hands not shake hands. You will have time to get acquainted later!” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 93)

Mormon Life,  p. 53

Mormon Life, p. 53