December 29

One of the members of the Bishop’s congregation, who had recently become engaged, came up to him after meeting one Sunday with the request, “Bishop, will you be available to marry me on Friday, September 5th?”

“I’m sorry,” he replied smiling. “I’m already married.” (Mormon Mishaps and Mischief, by D.N. Giles and C.L. Beck, p. 80)

* * * * *

Brother Jones asked his daughter, “How are your grades this semester?

Rena replied, “They are under water.”

Her father asked, “What do you mean?

Rena answered, “They are below ‘C’ level.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 70)

* * * * *

Questions that Sunday School Teachers Dread:

“Why isn’t Sunday School called Sunday Seminary?”

“Where do you think the lost ten tribes are?” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 65)

* * * * *

A Bishop visited the home of one of his less active members.

“Why don’t you come join us next Sunday?” the Bishop said.

“I refuse to set foot in the door of that church. There are just too many hypocrites there.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t let that stop you,” the Bishop said, smiling. “There is always room for one more.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 115)

* * * * *

J. Golden Kimball was asked to go as a general authority to take care of a particular problem in a particular Ward. Before the Ward’s sacrament meeting, he met with some members of the Ward Council who explained that the Relief Society President had such a domineering personality that she basically dictated everything that happened in their meetings. But everyone was so afraid of her that they did not know what to do to stop her, including the Bishop. Elder Kimball said he would think and pray about the matter and make an announcement when he spoke at the meeting.

During his talk, he gave an analogy, “Sometimes, if you are not careful you can sit down on bad wood and get a really painful splinter in your *** and there is nothing you can do about it except have someone pull it out for you because you can’t. This is exactly what has happened here in your Ward. Sister Johnson has become a big splinter in this Ward, and I have come to take her out for you. All of those in favor of releasing Sister Johnson as Relief Society President, please manifest by raising your right hand.”

And that is how they released her. (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 106)

Jesus and the fish.jpg