December 3

“Young lady, I want you in by 10:00 p.m.”

“But Dad, don’t you remember when you were young?”

“I surely do,” said the Dad. “That’s why I want you in by 10 p.m.” (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities by Alma Heaton, p. 73)

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Right before a daughter started first grade, she heard different family members talk about how quickly the years pass. One family member said to this young girl that in no time she would be grown and have a family of her own.

After getting off the bus after her first day of school, this daughter ran up to the house. Inside, she shouted, “I’m home, Mom.”

Then excitedly she said to her mother, “It won’t be long now before you’re a grandma!” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 41)

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A sprint going nowhere is a worthless race.

Some run in circles trying to outdo.

While you’re keeping up with the Jones’ pace,

They are all just trying to keep up with you. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 48)

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Joseph Fielding Smith: It wasn’t much of a whipping...My father did it because he thought I had lied to him. Years afterwards I said to him one day, “Do you remember when you gave me a lashing because you thought I had told you an untruth?”

“No,” he said, “I don’t know that I remember a thing like that.”

“Well,” I said, “you did.”

“Oh, well,” he said, “we’ll let that apply on something you did when you didn’t get caught.” (Joseph Fielding McConkie, True and Faithful, 19-20) (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 76)

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Brother Golden once said of the mate selection process, “I’ve been told you need to pray to find out which girl to marry. Well, while I was praying one day, another fellow up and married my girl.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 70)