December 8

One Sunday afternoon in July, Pam proudly presented her mother with a picture she had drawn in her primary class. On plain white paper were two gray airplane-like images with large, dark red crosses all over them. Stick figures with red hands covered the rest of the page. The mother turned the picture this way and that, smiling and praising Pam for her efforts.

“What was your lesson about?” asked Mother.

Pam’s expression changed, and she sighed as if the answer should be obvious. “Pioneers crossing the planes, of course.” (Mormon Mishaps and Mischief, by D.N. Giles and C.L. Beck, p. 12)

* * * * *

On a trip to Niagara Falls, this mother was standing with both arms around her three-year-old son, taking in the inspiring sight. After having seen enough, the boy asked, “When is this thing going to fill up?” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 42)

* * * * *

You have probably read the Book of Mormon if:

The nickname of your overweight mean tomcat is King Noah.

You think that an iron rod is worth more than a silver or golden rod.

You never refer to a certain scriptural figure by his own name, but simply as “the brother of Jared.” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 55)

* * * * *

An old woman on a sinking ship was told they had no other hope but to trust in Providence.

“Oh dear,” she said. “Has it come to that?” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 86)

* * * * *

J. Golden always liked to eat his lunches downtown in Salt Lake City at the Rotisserie. He liked to eat with a group of lawyers. On this particular day he was seated at the end of the table, and the lawyers were seated around the table.

The waiter came to his end to take Brother Golden’s order first, and the waiter wrote the order down and then said, “What will you drink?” Now a good member of the Church was not suppose to drink tea or coffee, and so Brother Golden said, “Water.”

Someone next to him said to the waiter, “Oh, he likes coffee. Bring him coffee.” So the waiter put down coffee, and Brother Golden watched him and didn’t say a word until the waiter got to the other end of the table, and then he said, “The Lord heard me say water!” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 78)

Mormon Life , p. 37

Mormon Life, p. 37