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“President Heber J. Grant hosted some wealthy financiers from the East Coast.  He needed someone to show them around the city while he met with Church accountants.  J. Golden reluctantly agreed to show them the sights.

“They boarded a bus. First they went by the McCune Mansion on Second North.  One of the financiers asked, ‘How many years did it take them to build this mansion?’  Golden responded, ‘It took them four years to build this place.’  The financier said, ‘We could have done it in two years back East.’

“It was obvious to Golden that these men from the East did not understand the difficult trials and circumstances of early pioneer times.

“Next Golden took them to the grand City and County Building.  The same financier asked how long it took to construct this building.  Golden stated, ‘Seven years.’  The financier quipped, ‘We could have built it in five years back East.’  This was beginning to bother Golden.

“They turned up Main Street in the direction of the Temple and the Hotel Utah.  As the group was passing Temple Square, Golden didn’t say anything.  The outspoken financier pointed to the Temple and said, ‘Hey, what’s that building over there?’

“Golden looked at the building in complete and utter astonishment.  ‘Damned if I know.  It wasn’t there yesterday!’ (J. Golden Kimball Stories, p. 100-101).


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A man all wrapped up in himself makes a very small package. (Best Loved Humor of the LDS People, p.199).


A ship’s captain . . . saw what looked like the light of another ship heading toward him. He had his signalman blink to the other ship: “Change your course 10 degrees north.”   The reply came back, “Change your course 10 degrees north.” The ship’s captain answered: “I am a captain. Change your course south.”  To which the reply came, “Well, I am a seaman first class.  Change your course north.”  This so infuriated the captain, he simply signaled back, “I say change your course south.  I ‘m on a battleship!”  To which the reply came back, “And I say change your course north. I am in the lighthouse” (Ensign, May 1994, p.68; Best Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 202).