January 10

Did you hear about the person who:

Who tried to cook on the mountain range?

Who visited the poultry farm to see an eggplant?

Who went to the zoo to buy a monkey wrench? (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 15)

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On a beautiful sunny holiday, one of President Joseph Fielding Smith’s sisters went to visit him only to find him busily working in his office. Concerned that he was working too hard, she scolded him for not taking the day off. He responded, “All my days are off.”

Ignoring this, she continued: “Now, I want you to go home and take a nap. George Albert Smith, Stephen L. Richards, and J. Reuben Clark always did, so you can too.”

“Yes,” came the quick response, “and look where they are now.” (They had all passed away) (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 83)

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You are probably a Latter-day Saint if:

You considered 90-year olds to be “over the hill” until you witnessed the ceaseless energy of a man named Gordon B. Hinckley [and Russell M. Nelson].

You go on a trip to get away from it all and call it “Education Week.” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 73)

* * * * *

On one occasion Spencer W. Kimball’s sister, Alice, greeted him with a kiss and then went around saying hello to others in the room. When she got back to Brother Kimball, she said, “Did I kiss you already?” He replied, “The first time must not have impressed you very much” (Kimball, “Spencer W. Kimball,” BYU Studies 25 [4]:69). (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 131)

* * * * *

One day in southern Idaho, J. Golden Kimball was preaching a sermon. The bishop had told him that some of the boys were getting a little wild, and had asked him if he would say a few words that might calm the boys down. So Brother Kimball was preaching his sermon, and about half way through he stopped right in the middle of what he was saying, and said, “By the way, the bishop tells me that some of you young bucks are getting a little too wild up here. He says you are carrying six-shooters around in your hip pockets. I want you to be careful. The damn things might go off and blow your brains out.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 103)

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So, You’re a Bishop? , p. 61

So, You’re a Bishop?, p. 61