January 15

Did you hear about the person who:

Went to buy some wood. He told the clerk he would like some 4x2's. The clerk suggested he meant 2x4's. The man thought about it and then said, “You are right; it is 2x4's.” Then the clerk asked “How long do want them?” The man said, “We want them for a long time.” (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 18)

* * * * *

In 1968 Marion G. Romney was addressing the BYU summer students: “President Wilkinson, members of the faculty, and brothers and sisters in the audience, students---I am sorry that these lights do not permit me to see you, but I believe you are there...I would like to advise the operators of the cameras to keep their cameras off the people on the row behind me who go to sleep...” (Learn by Faith, an address given to the BYU Summer Studentbody, June 18, 1968.) (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 85)

* * * * *

Replies to callings that would give the Bishop some concern:

I’ll gladly serve as the next Relief Society President---right after I give birth to these quadruplets.

I was hoping I would be the new scoutmaster. Did I ever tell you I was a Green Beret?

I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll be a merit badge counselor, if in return, the scouts mow my lawn all summer. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 76)

* * * * *

During a time when his entire cabinet, except for one member, was against him, Abraham Lincoln told the story of a man at the Illinois revival meeting who was asleep when the preacher asked, “Who are on the Lord’s side?” And the whole congregation except the sleeping man arose.

The preacher then asked, “Who are on the side of the devil?” The man suddenly awakened, arose, and standing there alone, called out, “I didn’t exactly hear the question, but I’ll stand by you parson, to the last. But it seems to me that we’re in a hopeless minority.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 132)

* * * * *

J. Golden Kimball began one of his stake conference addresses supposedly by saying, “Brothers and sisters, how many of you have read the seventeenth chapter of Mark in the New Testament?”

Many hands went up, and then he said, “Well, you are the people I want to talk to today! There are only sixteen chapters in Mark, and my sermon for today is on liars and hypocrites!” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 56)

* * * * *

Enemy Dog post card copy.jpg