January 17

How do you dust your shelves? Dust around the figurines so you will know where they go when you are through dusting?

One man lost $10 on a bet on a football game. Then he lost another $10 on the replay. (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 19)

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After having throat surgery, Elder Spencer W. Kimball was tempted to not speak at general conference, as he feared the experience with his gruff, unfamiliar voice. President Kimball decided that if ever he were to speak in public again, he would have to brave a first time. He started by telling the congregation that he had gone to New York and fallen among cutthroats and thieves who had slit his throat and stolen his voice. The audience laughed heartily, and both he and they relaxed. (Spencer W. Kimball, Twelfth President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Bookcraft, 1977, pp. 310-311) (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 88)

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Replies to callings that would give the Bishop some concern:

It will be so much fun being the choir director. My best friends play in a rock band. They will be glad to accompany us.

I guarantee that as long as I am Sunday School President, you won’t have to worry about class discipline or truant kids loitering in the halls. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 78)

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Little Zachary had been to a birthday party, and when he got back home, his mother asked him questions about his manners at the party. “You didn’t ask for a second piece of cake, did you?” she asked. “No, Mom,” Zachary answered. “I just asked Jessica’s mother for the recipe so that you could make some cake like it, because I told her it was the very best cake I’d ever tasted in my whole life. And she gave me another piece, of her own free will.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 134)

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In the old days, General Authorities used to read the names of church officers that needed to be sustained by raising hands at the stake conference. J. Golden Kimball went through all the names of the General Authorities. After naming all of these officers, the people were quite tired. Most of them were nodding their heads or falling asleep. J. Golden then said, “All of those in favor of moving Mount Timpanogos down to St. George, please manifest by the raise of your hands.” And surprisingly almost everyone raised their hands. Then he said, “OK, we expect all men to be here tomorrow morning with your shovels.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 57)

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Mormon Life , p. 14

Mormon Life, p. 14

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