January 20

Why did Noah object to the letter D?

Because it made the ark dark. (ark - dark)

How many apples were eaten in the Garden of Eden?

Eve ate (eight), and Adam, too (two), and the devil won (one)–eleven in all. (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 24)

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A man once said to his wife, “Did you hear the story of the window that needed cleaning?”

The wife replied, “No, could you tell it to me.”

“Well, I guess I won’t; you couldn’t see through it anyway,” he replied smiling.

The woman, thinking that was a clever joke, told it to her neighbor.

“Have you heard the joke about the window you couldn’t see through?”

“No,” was the reply.

The women then smiled and said, “Well, it is too dirty to tell.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 90)

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Methuselah was a great grandson of Adam and lived to be 969 years old, the oldest man ever.

I wonder when he started going gray. Did he ever go bald?

Was he considered over the hill at age 400? (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 80)

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Mary: Dear, I’m crushed! You forgot my birthday!

Harry: But sweetheart, how can you expect me to remember it when you keep looking younger every day? (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 135)

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One snowy, cold winter day, J. Golden Kimball was walking north of the temple in Salt Lake City. A very large lady bumped into him, knocking him to the ground. The lady also fell, landing on top of J. Golden. They began sliding down the hill on the ice and snow, J. Golden acting as a sled for the large lady. After going about a block, they bumped into a curb and stopped. The lady wasn’t quite sure what to do, so she just lay there on top of J. Golden. He finally said to her, “Sorry lady, you’ll have to get off now; this is as far as I go.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 62)

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