January 22

What did Adam and Eve do when they were expelled from Eden?

They “raised Cain.”

Who first introduced salt pork into the Navy?

Noah. He took Ham into the ark. (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 24)

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While serving as a missionary, Elder Jones and his companion were speaking with an investigator at their first meeting. Trying to determine what this investigator knew, Elder Jones asked, “Do you know the name of God?”

After thinking about it, the man answered, “I believe his name is Andy.”

Shocked by this answer, Elder Jones asked, “How did you come up with that name?”

“When I was younger, my family attended this church, and the congregation would sing this song, “Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 93)

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Methuselah was a great grandson of Adam and lived to be 969 years old, the oldest man ever.

Did he ever get a senior citizen discount?

What kind of birthday present do you give to someone who is over 900 years old? (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 80)

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Orson F. Whitney: In the Eighteenth Ward, one Sunday evening, a Primary Conference was held, at which one of the sisters, gathering a class of little children around her, related to them how the Savior fed the multitude–fed five thousand people, with five loaves of bread and two fishes. Going home, a mother asked her little son what he had heard, and he repeated as best he could, the teacher’s message.

The mother, anxious to impress the lesson upon the mind of her child asked, “How do you suppose the Savior fed five thousand people with five loaves of bread and two fishes?” The little boy thought for a moment, and then said: “Well, I don’t believe those in the middle got any” (Conference Report, Apr. 199, 50). (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 146)

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There was to be an impressive tour given to some dignitaries from other lands. J. Golden Kimball was assigned to the tour as a guide. They first took a bus trip to the important historical sites in and around Salt Lake City. Brother Kimball would constantly remind the visitors how fast the industrious Mormons put up buildings. Every time he would say so, one of the dignitaries on the tour would say, “Oh, is that right? In our country we could do it in half the time.” J. Golden began to get madder and madder as the dignitary persisted to offer such comments.

The tour was to end by having the bus drive around Temple Square. Then this dignitary asked, “What is that building there?” as he pointed at the Temple. “Damned if I know,” said J. Golden. “It wasn’t there yesterday.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 65)

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Mormon Life , p. 30

Mormon Life, p. 30