January 25

A farmer had seventeen sheep. All but nine died. How many did he have left?

Nine.

Which weighs the most–one ton of feathers or one ton of steel?

They both weigh the same. (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 28)

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One stormy day, a granddaughter, age 4, listened to the thunder rumble across the sky. She turned to her grandmother and sincerely asked, “Is Heavenly Father unhappy about something?” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 94)

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You are probably a BYU sports fan if:

Your favorite animal is a cougar.

During scripture study, you think of football every time you see the phrase, “And it came to pass.” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 84)

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When the Missionary Training Center was built in Provo, the Church planted beautiful athletic fields right across the street so the missionaries would have a place to exercise. But the new grass was so inviting that BYU students liked to go there to play football, throw frisbees, or just lie around. When the missionaries went out, little room was left for their activities. The leaders of the MTC finally posted a large sign on the field: “Missionaries Only.”

The next day, BYU students were out again in full force, playing their football and throwing frisbees on the field. Next to the official sign, they had posted a new one: “Every member a missionary.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 151)

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J. Golden Kimball once said, “I believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, and virtuous, and in doing good at all times. What can you do with a man that is a cheat and a liar? You can baptize him every ten minutes, but it won’t do him any good unless you hold him under.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 67)

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So, You’re a Primary Teacher! , p. 4

So, You’re a Primary Teacher!, p. 4