January 28

What is the difference between an old penny and a new dime?

Nine cents.

Why is Ireland apt to become the wealthiest country in the world?

Because its capital is always Dublin. (doubling) (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 31)

* * * * *

Two active boys, age 7, kept running up and down the hall of the Church, yelling at one another, and disrupting classes. The Primary President had told them several times to be quiet and to go into their class. Having no success, the Primary President finally told the Bishop about them. The Bishop found them and told the two boys to march down the hall to his office. One boy went into the office first while the other boy waited outside the door.

Trying to teach a lesson, the Bishop said, “This is Jesus’ Church, and in His building, we are to be quiet and reverent.”

After pausing, he continued, “If you are reverent in His Church, Jesus will be here. So, do you know where Jesus is?”

Startled, the boy said, “No!”

At this question, the boy jumped up and ran out of the office. He grabbed his friend by the hand and said, “Run.”

They didn’t stop until they were safely hidden in the trees behind the Church. The other boy asked, “What happened?”

“This is serious. Jesus is missing, and they think we did it!” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 95)

* * * * *

You are probably a BYU sports fan if:

You gave Cougar football tickets to your wife as an anniversary present.

You know what the Miracle Bowl was. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 84)

* * * * *

At one time John was true and faithful in the Church. But he became so consumed with making money that he began to work seven days a week and became less-active.

“John,” a friend protested, “you shouldn’t think about money all the time. You can’t take it with you, you know.”

“Is that so?” John answered. “Then I will not go.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 157)

* * * * *

J. Golden Kimball walked into the big Salt Lake City department store ZCMI and told the clerk in the men’s department, “I’d like to see a suit that would fit me.”

The clerk eyed J. Golden’s tall, thin frame and said, “So would I!” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 67)

* * * * *

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