January 30

What color would you paint the sun and the wind?

Sun “rose” and wind “blew.”

Why should you never tell secrets in a corn field?

Corn has ears. (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 31)

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When I was about to marry, my Dad gave me this short, fatherly advice, “Just know that love is blind---but marriage is the eye-opener.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 96)

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Announcements you will never see in the Ward Bulletin:

The three candidates for Bishop will debate tonight at 7 p.m.

Elections will be held tomorrow from noon to 5 p.m. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 87)

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Joanne: Here it is the middle of February, and we are still cleaning up from Christmas.

Tammy: What? Still cleaning up?

Joanne: Yes, First we cleaned out our checking account. Then we cleaned out our savings account. Now we are going through drawers looking for spare change. (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 158)

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J. Golden Kimball, while working up at Bear Lake as a young man, was attacked by the farmer’s dog. He had a pitchfork in his hand, and to protect himself, he shoved it at the dog, burying a tine in his throat. The farmer came at him in a rage and asked why in heaven’s name he had shoved the pitchfork at the dog’s throat. J. Golden answered, “Because that is the end he came at me with!” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 66)

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Mormon Life,  p. 45

Mormon Life, p. 45