January 4

Practice makes perfect in everything except getting up in the morning.

On arriving home one night a father told his little girl that she looked pretty dirty. She responded, “Thank you, and I’m prettier clean.” (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p.5)

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The following statements are actual requests or parts of letters sent to the Family History Department of the Church:

“I would like to find out if I have any living relatives or dead ancestors in my family.”

“On your records, my grandfather is listed as dying at age three.”

One boy wrote, “I do not want you to do my research for me, so will you please just send me all of the material you have on the Welch line.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 73-74)

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You are probably a Latter-day Saint if:

You feel complimented when someone says you’re “peculiar.”

You have sung a “Primary” song, but not a “Secondary” one. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 71)

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Son: “How did God make the world, Daddy?

Father: “Hmmm, I don’t know.”

Son: “What is heaven like?”

Father: “Well, I couldn’t say.”

Son: “I’m not bothering you, am I Daddy?”

Father: “Of course not. Why, you will never learn anything if you don’t ask questions.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 123)

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At one time when J. Golden Kimball was having rough time, his creditors kept coming and bothering him, and they wanted payments on their account. J. Golden began to get a little tired of it all, and he told them, “Listen fellows. You know the way I handle my accounts. I take all of the bills at the end of the month, and I put them in the waste basket. Then I stir them around, and if I see one that looks good, and I can, I’ll pay it. But,” he said, “if you don’t quit bothering me I won’t even put yours in the waste basket.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p.125)

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Mormon Life,   p. 60

Mormon Life, p. 60