January 5

A man called a psychiatrist asking him to see his wife to see why every night she dreamed she was married to a millionaire. The psychiatrist responded, “Sir, you are fortunate. My wife thinks that in the daytime.”

I like the words of Will Rogers: “I never met a man I didn’t like.” However, I want you to know that if I ever change my mind, you will be the first one on the list. (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p.6-7)

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Sister Write was speaking with her neighbor about food storage. She remarked, “We used to have a year’s supply of food–until John came home from his mission last month and ate it all” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 75)

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You are probably a Latter-day Saint if:

When your heart and might are exhausted, you rely on your mind and strength.

While trying to fall asleep, instead of counting sheep, you count your many blessings.

You spend 72 days putting together a 72-hour kit. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 72)

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The car simply would not run. The mechanic who was called in lifted the hood, reached inside, gave a twist of the wrist to a little mechanism–and all was well.

“What do I owe you?”

“One hundred and ten dollars,” said the mechanic.

“Good heavens!” said the car owner. “That seems like an awful lot for just twisting a little gadget. How do you itemize it?”

“Well,” said the mechanic, “ten dollars for twisting the little gadget. A hundred dollars for knowing which little gadget to twist.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 124)

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J. Golden Kimball went to a conference in the Granite Stake. Hugh B. Brown introduced him as the “Will Rogers of the Church.” When J. Golden got up, he said, “I think the Lord himself likes a joke. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have made me or some of you folks.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p.126)

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Mormon Life , p. 62

Mormon Life, p. 62