January 6

Mother to kindergarten son, “What did you learn in school today?”

Son: “Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.” (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 9)

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While looking at bottled water in their food storage room, an eight-year-old informed his mother, “It’s too late to drink this. It says ‘spring water,’ and it is already summer.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 76)

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You are probably a Latter-day Saint if:

You gave your wife a wheat grinder for Mother’s Day, and she was excited to get it.

You have never moved, but have been a member of five different congregations.

When you say “sealed,” you don’t mean wrapped securely. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 72)

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Charles W. Nibley: When a boy goes through the eighth grade and then high school, then three or four years in a university, and then in a finishing-off school of some kind, the boy is twenty-five years old. That is a quarter of a century of his life spent in educating him. Somebody else has worked for the food he has eaten and for the clothes he has been supplied with. He comes back home, and he knows a lot; bless his soul, he can tell you pretty much about everything, but he doesn’t know how to do scarcely anything (Conference Report, April 1923, 148). (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 124)

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J. Golden Kimball, in speaking to a meeting of Saints on the subject of tithing said, “All of you who would be willing to die for the gospel, please raise your hands.” Nearly every hand in the congregation was raised.

Then he said, “All of you who have been paying an honest tithing, please raise your hands.” It seems that only a few hands were raised.

Brother Kimball turned to the Bishop and said, “See, they would rather die than pay their tithing.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p.127)

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Mormon Life, p. 64