February 1

What nut is spread on biscuits and griddle cakes?

Butternut. (Butter nut)

What nut is a picture hung on?

Walnut. (Wall nut) (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 32)

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Two young women were talking with one another. Sarah said,”I hear Derrick proposed to you. Did he happen to mention that he proposed to me first?

Trying not to show her surprise, Monica replied, “Not specifically. However, he did say that he had done some foolish things before he met me.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 100)

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Announcements you will never see in the Ward Bulletin:

Don’t have your home teaching (ministering) done? Call Brother Dille. He will do it for you for $10 per hour.

Congratulations to our 13th Ward basketball team! They will be playing in the City League championship game next Sunday at 4 p.m. We encourage everyone to show up and support them. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 87)

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Living within a budget saves money because by the time you have balanced it, it is too late to go anywhere.

I believe living within my income–even if I have to borrow money to do it. (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 159)

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J. Golden Kimball was approached by a church member one time who said, “Elder Kimball, you are a General Authority; you are supposed to have revelations. Have you had any visions lately?

“Well, no. But I have had some damn good nightmares.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 70)

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