February 10

Why wouldn’t the bananas fight?

Because they are yellow.

Of what trade is the preacher at a wedding?

Joiner. (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 34)

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In a missionary training class at an Institute of Religion, the instructor was advising the young men to begin focusing on their forthcoming missions, and not on the girlfriends some might have. After explaining there was a time and a place for everything, the instructor said that marriage would eventually come after their missions.

To lighten the seriousness of the lesson, the teacher taped a large poster on the chalk board. On it was written this message: “Lord, pleased bless the Laurel girls. They will be the right age when I get home.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 106)

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You have probably never gambled if:

You’ve ever wondered how a one-armed bandit could carry both a gun and a stolen bag of money at the same time.

Whenever you hear, “the Queen of hearts” you assume that it is giant valentine. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 91)

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Miss Jones was giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. “Here is a magnet,” she said. “It is made of a kind of metal. Look how it can pick up nails, bobby pins, and other bits of iron.” The class watched, fascinated.

Then, later by way of review, she said, “All right, class. My name begins with the letter ‘M’ and I pick up things. What am I?”

A little boy on the front row said, “You’re a mother.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 165)

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President Grant and Elder Kimball were riding along in a carriage to speak at a Ward conference. They spied an old farmer with a smoking pipe clenched between his teeth walloping the tar out of his poor son behind the barn.

President Grant called out, “What are you whipping that boy for?”

“I caught the rascal smoking back here, and I’m learning him a lesson!” replied the old fellow.

President Grant was just about to launch into a tirade about the gross hypocrisy of the situation before him when J. Golden Kimball piped in,”Why that is wonderful. Just what I like to see---progress between the generations.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 80)

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So, You’re a Bishop? , p. 10

So, You’re a Bishop?, p. 10