February 12

Boy dancing with girl: Isn’t this fun!!

Girl: I wish you were in my shoes.

Dancing is the art of pulling your feet back before your opponent can step on them. (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 36)

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An investigator was explaining to the missionaries how challenging his life was. He said, “The stock market is down, my son broke his arm last week, and my wife’s father is not expected to live much longer.”

The junior companion replied, “You think you have problems. The suit I bought when I came on my mission has two pairs of pants, and yesterday I tore a hole in the suit coat.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 109)

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You have probably never gambled if:

You think that “ante” is a female relative.

You are pretty sure that “roulette” is a French pastry. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 91)

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An LDS vocalist decided to sing “Come, Come Ye Saints” as her entry in a national talent contest. It didn’t go very well, but she noticed a man in the audience who was weeping profusely. After the competition, she sought him out. “Pardon me,” she asked, “Are you LDS?” “No,” he replied, shaking his head. “I’m a musician.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 167)

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J. Golden was talking with one of the Quorum members, and he said, “Brother Kimball, I don’t know why you can swear so much. Why, I’d rather commit adultery than swear like that.”

J. Golden responded, “I didn’t know we had a choice!” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 83)

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Mission Moments , p. 48

Mission Moments, p. 48