February 13

Girl: I can’t go to the dance with you.

Boy: Why?

Girl: You can’t dance.

Boy: But I can intermission** (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 41)

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There were smiles in the congregation as the newly returned missionary stood up to give his report and began, “It is so good to be home and to see all of you: Dad and Mom, my little brothers, friends, former mission companions, my former girlfriend---and her husband.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 109)

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Signs you will never see outside your chapel:

Beware of missionaries!

Giant yard sale in the parking lot this Saturday and Sunday! (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 93)

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A young boy was practicing the violin, and the family dog joined in with repeated loud howling. Finally the father couldn’t stand it any longer. “Son,” he said, “couldn’t you play a tune the dog doesn’t know?” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 167)

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During one conference, which was to be broadcast, J. Golden was to speak. The authorities were kind of worried about the language he might use, so they passed him a note as he took the stand, warning him to be careful as he would be on the air. He picked up the note and said, “What the hell is this damn note?” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 84)

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