February 15

Wife: Why can’t we go to a dance?

Husband: It’s our neighbors; they are always dancing steps we can’t afford. (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 47)

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Two primary boys were talking about how good their fathers were. Tyler said, “My Dad is so good, he goes home teaching the first day of the month.”

Kevin responded, “My Dad is better than that. He goes the day before that!” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 112)

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Signs you will never see inside your chapel:

Private church. No school homework allowed on the premises.

All parking is for one hour only. Violators will be towed away at owner’s expense. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 93)

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President Ulysses S. Grant had a heartfelt dislike for all music. Once at a concert in Baltimore, his companion asked him if he recognized a particular piece. “Actually,” Grant said, “I know only two tunes. One is ‘Yankee Doodle’ and the other one isn’t.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 169)

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One time J. Golden Kimball went out to feed the calf on a Sunday morning. He was all dressed in his Sunday best. The darned calf wouldn’t drink. In order to get the calf to drink, he tried sticking his fingers in the milk and putting them into the calf’s mouth, and then sticking the calf’s nose in the milk. When he did that, and the calf snorted and sprayed milk and mucus all over Brother Kimball. He looked at the calf in frustration and said, “If I wasn’t a Mormon and trying not to swear, and if I wasn’t a priesthood holder, I’d push your damned head to the bottom of the bucket!” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 86)

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So, You’re a Primary Teacher!,  p. 8

So, You’re a Primary Teacher!, p. 8