February 16

Boy: Mother, can I go to the dance?

Mother: What–with those holes in your socks?

Boy: No, with the kids next door.

First Girl: He said I was the only girl he had ever danced with.

Second Girl: Yes, and doesn’t he say it beautifully. (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 48)

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Giving a lesson in his High Priest Group in Salt Lake City, Brother Dutson gave this illustration concerning some beliefs in the world:

“1. Muslims do not recognize the Jews as God’s chosen people.

“2. Many Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

“3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

“4. Mormons do not recognize each other in Wendover.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 113)

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Signs you will never see inside your chapel:

Join us weekly for Monday night bingo.

This building for rent to political candidates.

Keep out! Members only.

Wanted: Nursery workers. Excellent benefits. No experience required. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 93)

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When President Joseph Fielding Smith and his wife Jessie visited Wards or Stakes, they often ended up singing musical duets together. Jessie, a former member of the Tabernacle Choir, had a beautiful singing vice and accompanied them on the piano. President Smith often turned to the congregation and said, “She calls this a duet; I call it a Do-It. I have to do it whether I want to or not.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 169)

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Brother J. Golden Kimball had quite a lot to say about marriage. One day he said, “I’ve often wondered what would happen if the perfect man married the perfect woman. I”ll bet he would leave her within a week if she didn’t leave him first.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 94)

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So, You’re a Bishop? , p. 15

So, You’re a Bishop?, p. 15