February 17

First Girl: He thinks I am the best dancer in the hall. Shall I dance with him?

Second Girl: No, let him go on thinking that.

First Boy: Pay your dance ticket, with a smile.

Second Boy: I did, but they insisted on cash. (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 48)

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Years ago, a kindergarten teacher gave her class a “show and tell” assignment of bringing something to represent their religion. A boy stood in front of the class and said, “My name is Ben. I am Jewish and this is a Star of David.”

Another boy stood in front of the class and said, “My name is Thomas. I am Catholic and this is a Crucifix.”

Another boy stood in front of the class and said, “My name is Johnny. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and this is a casserole.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 113)

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Famous Quotes of Elementary School Teachers you will never hear:

Teacher to Isaiah: “Please rewrite this paragraph in a way that I can understand it.”

Teacher to Samson’s classmates: “Someday you boys will learn not to tease him about his long hair.” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 94)

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Mr. Bernstein was thoroughly annoyed when his neighbor called at two o’clock in the morning and said, “Your stupid dog is barking so loud I can’t sleep!” The neighbor slammed the phone down without even waiting for an answer.

The following night, Mr. Bernstein waited until 2:00 a.m., then called his neighbor back and said, “I don’t have a dog.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 170)

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Once J. Golden Kimball was leaving a regional conference after speaking, and as he was leaving he overhead a group of boys teasing an “older” girl who had never been married. Their taunting turned cruel, and the girl began to cry. They were saying “who’s going to call for you at the morning of the first resurrection?” J. Golden walked over to the girl, who was in tears, and he put his arm around her shoulders. He said, “Sister, you don’t have to worry about that. When the time comes, if no one calls for you, I will.” The embarrassed tormentors slowly walked away. (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 100)

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Art   Chad Winks

Art Chad Winks