February 20

Patient: How long will it take to pull my tooth?

Dentist: Only about two minutes.

Patient: How much will it cost?

Dentist: Three hundred dollars.

Patient: For only two minutes of work?

Dentist: Well, I could pull it very slowly if you prefer. (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 51)

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You might be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:

If you were frustrated when your son got accepted to Harvard, instead of BYU.

If all of your dishes have your name written on them with masking tape.

If you go to a party and someone spikes the punch with Pepsi or Coke. (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 114)

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Famous Quotes of Elementary School Teachers you will never hear:

To Jonah: “Have you been playing down at the beach again? You smell like fish.”

To Esau: “Are you sure you want to trade your homework for his lunch?”

To Goliath: “Why do you keep picking fights with everyone?” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 95)

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The problem with being a parent is that by the time you have learned how to do your job, you’re unemployed.

College student to parents; “Dear Mom and Dad: Don’t forget to write---even if it’s only ten or twenty.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 173)

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J. Golden Kimball was called down to St. George, Utah, to settle a dispute among the Saints who were trying to build a chapel. He got together two choirs for the meeting. He asked one choir to sit in the back of the church and had the other choir sit at the front. At his signal, they both stood up and sang a small portion of a song, each choir singing a different song.

J. Golden then asked those present: “How did that sound, brothers and sisters? It sounded like hell didn’t it? That’s how bad it sounds for you Saints to be arguing about your new chapel.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 105)

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So, You’re a Bishop?  p. 12

So, You’re a Bishop? p. 12