February 21

A little girl was taught to pray for anything she needed with the idea that she would receive it. One night she heard her parents talking about how hard times were for them, so she decided to pray for $100, which she thought would be enough to solve her parents’ problem. After she had asked for the $100, she waited patiently as one day, then two days, then three days passed and nothing happened.

Finally, she decided she would write a letter to the Lord. The postmaster looked at the address and didn’t know what to do with it, so he sent it to the governor. The governor sent it to the president of the United States, who said, “I must reward the faith of this wonderful girl.” So he placed $5.00 in an envelope and returned it to the little girl.

When she received the money, she thought for a moment and decided that it would be necessary for her to write another letter to the Lord. This is how it read: “Dear Lord, please don’t send any more money through Washington, D.C. They took $95 out for taxes.” (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 52)

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You might be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:

If you pray that the food might “nourish and strengthen your body” before eating doughnuts.

If you have received a “Dear John” letter.

If you arrived late for Church and you are one of the first people there. (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 115)

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Famous Quotes of Elementary School Teachers you will never hear:

To Spencer Kimball: “Why are you measuring your stride?”

To Noah: “Aren’t you going to go outside for recess with the children, even though it is raining?”

To Moses: “No, you may not lead this class out on a field trip.” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 95)

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When you are 4 years old: My parents can do anything.

When you are 7 years old: My parents know a whole lot.

When you are 9 years old: My parents don’t know quite everything.

When you are 12 years old: Parents just don’t understand.

When you are 14 years old: Parents are old-fashioned.

When you are 19 years old: My parents are out of touch.

When you are 25 years old: Parents are okay.

When you are 30 years old: I wonder what my parents think about this?

When you are 50 years old: What would my parents have thought about that?

When you are 60 years old: I wish I could talk it over with my parents. (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 174)

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J. Golden Kimball spoke at his cousin’s funeral. His cousin had been disfellowshipped for taking a polygamist wife after the manifesto. J. Golden talked for a few minutes, and he said, “I am not treasuring polygamy, but if it wasn’t true, Joseph Smith was a fake. God is kind and loving. He is forgiving. And if I get on the other side and find that is not so, I will climb back over the fence again.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 111)

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So, You’re a Bishop? , p. 47

So, You’re a Bishop?, p. 47