February 22

A young woman at the supermarket was pushing a full cart with a baby in the seat, and she held a husky two-year-old youngster on her hip.

“My goodness!” explained Jane. “Can’t that big boy walk?”

“He certainly can,” the young mother replied. “Why do you think I am carrying him?” (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 55)

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An acronym is formed from the initial letter or letters of each part of a compound term. With that in mind, consider some sentences that only members of the Church can decipher:

My son is in the CTR class. (Choose the Right)

I use the TG in my study. (Topical Guide)

I read the B of M. (Book of Mormon) (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 116)

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Famous Quotes of Elementary School Teachers you will never hear:

To Brigham: “What kind of game can you play with a pointed ball?”

To Gordon Hinckley: “You need to slow down a little.”

To John the Baptist: “Your locusts are crawling all over the floor.” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 95)

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A young father carried his screaming baby out of sacrament meeting and into the foyer. “There, there,” he said. “Take it easy. Control yourself. Calm down.”

The baby immediately became quiet.

Another father in the foyer said, “Boy, you sure know how to talk to a baby.”

“Baby!” the first father said. “I was talking to myself!” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 175)

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Some of the St. George settlers drank and smoked on the side before the Word of Wisdom was made a commandment. All this behavior would stop when a general authority came to visit. Elder J. Golden Kimball and another elder had come to ask for temple building funds and had stayed a couple of days. The people were missing their “way of life” and getting impatient for the elders to go home. One day the other elder spoke long and fluently on the blessings of having a temple and made every appeal for the building fund. J. Golden sensed the impatience of the people. When it was his turn to speak, he stood up and said, “If you donate now and donate generously, we will be out of town in half an hour.” The Saints responded by covering the stage with silver dollars. (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 111)

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