February 24

If I lay three eggs here and five over there, how many will I have?

Frankly, I don’t believe you can do it.

Why didn’t you answer me?

I did; I shook my head.

You don’t expect me to hear it rattle clear over here, do you? (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 58)

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An acronym is formed from the initial letter or letters of each part of a compound term. With that in mind, consider some sentences that only members of the Church can decipher:

I work for the CES. (Church Educational System)

Our oldest son just went to the MTC. (Missionary Training Center)

We take our old clothes to the DI. (Deseret Industries) (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 116)

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You are probably a Bishop if:

It’s been five years since you sat by your wife in church, even though you have both been there every week.

You know that if you fall asleep in church, someone will notice.

You notice that three-year-olds are always anxious to shake your hand. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 96)

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Older father to younger father, “When I was young, I had six theories on how to bring up children.”

Younger Father: “I would like to know what your theories are.”

Older Father: “Well, now I have six children and no theories.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 176)

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J. Golden Kimball told the following story: There was a Bishop who just loved to golf, but lately he had been so busy he hadn’t had any chance to go. One Sunday he decided that just once he would take off on Sunday morning to play golf. So he chose a place way out of town where no one he knew would catch him. Sunday came and off he went.

Well, the Lord was watching all of this, and he called one of his angels and said for him to go down and see that the Bishop get a few “holes in one.” So the angel went down and made sure the Bishop got a “hole in one” and then a couple more. Then the angel went back up to heaven and asked the Lord why he wanted the Bishop to have these “holes in one.” The angel thought the Bishop should be punished rather than rewarded. The Lord just smiled and said, “Who is he going to tell about it?” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 117)

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So, You’re a Bishop!,  p. 52

So, You’re a Bishop!, p. 52