February 25

How did you get that black eye?

I got hit by a guided “muscle.”

Why is the old Mississippi River so lazy?

It never gets out of its bed.

I like this dog, but his legs are too short.

Too short? Why ma’am, they reach clear to the floor! (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 58)

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An acronym is formed from the initial letter or letters of each part of a compound term. With that in mind, consider some sentences that only members of the Church can decipher:

My oldest daughter will be going to the Y this fall. (Brigham Young University)

I like to compare the KJV of the Bible with the JST. (King James Version, Joseph Smith Translation)

Have you read the D&C? (Doctrine and Covenants) (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 116)

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You are probably a Bishop if:

You make someone instantly nervous simply by saying, “I need to talk to you for a few minutes.”

In many meetings you attend, you have to conduct.

Your car was towed for sitting in the church parking lot too long. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 96)

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A man entered a restaurant on the banks of the Chesapeake Bay, sat down, and looked rather impatient and grouchy as he waited to be served. At last a waiter appeared.

“It’s about time!” said the man. “Now tell me. Do you serve crabs here?”

“Certainly sir,” replied the waiter, “we serve anyone.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 177)

* * * * *

The pope was one day sitting in the Vatican with his cardinals around him, and he said, “Brethren, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that Christ has come to earth again.”

And the cardinals all said, “Wonderful, wonderful!”

“Now for the bad news...He called from Salt Lake City, Utah.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 122)

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Mission Moments , p. 54

Mission Moments, p. 54