February 28

Mrs. Jones, a kindergarten teacher smiled pleasantly at the gentlemen opposite her on the trolley car. He did not respond. Realizing she had mistaken him for someone else, she said, “Oh, please excuse me. I mistook you for the father of one of my children.” (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 70)

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A Ward music director’s first name was Hope. Hope was expecting a baby. She was a week overdue, and the Ward members were anxiously awaiting the arrival of the new baby. On Sunday, the substitute choir director had selected one of the Ward’s favorite hymns. “We thank thee, O God, for a prophet.”

Suddenly, while singing the song, some of the congregation burst into laughter as they sang this verse: “There is hope smiling brightly before us, and we know that deliverance is nigh.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 120)

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Comments you will never hear in a Scout Meeting:

“Yes, you can bring your dog and your shotgun on our next camp out.”

“We will now have a demonstration on how to safely start fires with gasoline.”

“Jimmy is going to pass off the cooking merit badge on our camp out this weekend. He is preparing chocolate chiffon cake for dessert.” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 100)

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David O. McKay in General Conference: I have a note here that there are anit-Mormon literature distributors at our gates on temple square. We implore those who receive the leaflets that are being passed out, not to throw them on the street. Please cooperate with our City Fathers and use the receptacles that have been furnished by our city officials (Conference Report, Oct. 1956, 18). (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 180)

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At a Stake Conference J. Golden was listening to one of the brethren speak. It had been a long day, and J. Golden was worn out. While the brother was talking, J. Golden fell asleep and fell off his chair right at the feet of the speaker. The brother looked at J. Golden, and all J. Golden could say was, “Sorry, it has been a damn long day.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 64)

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Mission Moment,  Cover

Mission Moment, Cover