February 5

Why are weary people like automobile wheels?

They are tired.

What trade is it whose best works are trampled upon?

Shoemaker. (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 33)

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Discussing married life with his married son, Brother Lowder explained, “You’ll know when the honeymoon is over when you telephone your wife to say you will be home late for dinner, and your wife has already left a note on the table saying, ‘It’s in the refrigerator.’” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 102)

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Comments you will never hear in a Young Women’s Meeting:

The Bishop has finally decided that this year you girls don’t have to be modest at the prom.

Don’t miss our activity next week. We’re going to the mall to try on the latest bikinis. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 90)

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N. Eldon Tanner: After our youngest daughter had started school, she came home just before Christmas and said to her mother, “Do you know what they say about Santa Claus in school?”

Her mother replied, “No, what do they say?”

She replied, “They say there is no Santa Claus, and it is our parents who give us Christmas gifts.”

Her mother asked, “And what did you say?”

“I told them, ‘You don’t know my daddy and mother!’” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 161)

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To keep J. Golden Kimball out of trouble, Apostle Rudger Clawson was sent with him on speaking tours to keep him in line. Elder Clawson would always go first, and he was fond of telling the story about how he and his missionary companion were attacked by an anti-Mormon mob many years ago. Evidently it was quite violent, and the mobbers killed Elder Clawson’s companion. As the speaking tour progressed, J. Golden Kimball noticed that Elder Clawson’s story got longer and longer. Pretty soon, Elder Kimball’s time was squeezed out entirely, and he was relegated to giving only the closing prayer.

After one such Church meeting in Richfield, a man came up to J. Golden and said, “Brother Kimball, I brought my son all the way up from St. George just to hear you speak. Aren’t you angry and upset that you didn’t get any time to give your talk?

J. Golden replied, “Well, I’m not mad really but some times I wonder if those mobbers got the wrong missionary.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 73)

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So, You’re a Primary Teacher,  p. 1

So, You’re a Primary Teacher, p. 1