February 7

What is the definition of a Sunday Saint?

One day for Church, six days for fun; the odds of going to heaven, six to one.

What did one fish say to the other fish?

Keep your mouth shut and you won’t get caught.

(G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 34)

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Elder J. Golden Kimball gave some counsel to a group of young adults about marriage. He said, “I just want to warn you not to expect too much of each other, and then maybe you will not be disappointed. Now, when some get married, they think they are marrying an angel, and later on, many are the times they wish they had.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 104)

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You have probably never gambled if:

You drove through Las Vegas on a Saturday night and only stopped for gas.

You think that the term “full house” only refers to the size of your family. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 91)

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After John C. Bennett became estranged from the Church, he decided he wanted to go back to Nauvoo. Joseph Smith extended a warm welcome, but concluded in an August 1840 letter to Bennett in this way: “My general invitation is, let all that will, come, and partake of the poverty of Nauvoo freely” (Regional Studies, Illinois, Skinner–John C. Bennett, 252-53) (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 163)

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J. Golden Kimball got notified at the last minute that two members of the Council of the Twelve Apostles couldn’t go as assigned to preside over a Stake conference in St. George, and so he had the assignment. He was met at the station by the first counselor in the Stake presidency, who exclaimed, “Well Brother Kimball! Welcome to our Stake. It is a real honor to have you with us, but where are the apostles?”

After the necessary explanation, the counselor took Brother Golden to the chapel. He was met by the Stake president who said, “What a pleasant surprise to see you, Brother Kimball! So, where are the apostles.”

After the Saturday meetings, Golden went home with the Stake President, whose wife met him at the door with a big smile. “Brother Kimball! What an honor to have you in our home! Tell me, where are the apostles?”

The next morning, Golden spoke to the assembled Stake membership: “Brothers and sisters! I had a dream last night. I dreamed I died and went to the Pearly Gates. Peter shook my hand, and said, ‘Brother Kimball, what a treat to see you! Where are the apostles?’” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 76)

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So, You’re a Bishop? , p. 2

So, You’re a Bishop?, p. 2