February 8

How much dirt is there in a hole eighteen inches square and one foot deep?

None

What kind of jam do grownups get in?

A traffic jam. (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 34)

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In Rome, two missionaries visited the Vatican. Pointing to the ceiling, a guide told them, “It took Michelangelo four years to get that ceiling painted.”

The junior companion turned to his companion and replied, “He must have had the same landlord we have now.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 106)

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You have probably never gambled if:

You have always assumed that the jack of diamonds is a discount jeweler.

You think that the Ace of spades is a garden tool. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 91)

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A mother with four children in tow boarded a bus. They gave the mother so much trouble that at the end of the trip, the driver said, “Lady, you ought to leave half of your kids at home.”

The woman looked at him, sighed, and said, “I did.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 165)

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At a meeting of the Seventies Quorum of the Timpanogos Stake, Brother J. Golden Kimball was speaking in his capacity as a general authority. He was trying to encourage the brethren to be busy in their calling. Brother Kimball is reported to have said, “Do something! Get busy and do something! Go out and get drunk and then repent of it. But do something!” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 79)

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So, You’re a Bishop? , p. 6

So, You’re a Bishop?, p. 6