February 9

If a dog loses his tail, where can he go to get another one?

To a retail store. (re tail)

What color are blueberries when they are green?

Red. (G-Rated Jokes and Other Rarities, by Alma Heaton, p. 35)

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When parents were allowed to see a missionary leave from the Salt Lake Airport, a family visited with their missionary who was called to serve in South America. Concerned for his health, Sister Ivins put her arms around her son and said, “Now son, don’t eat the food or drink the water.” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 107)

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You have probably never gambled if:

You make wages, but not wagers.

You think that poker is a tool for the fireplace. (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 91)

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Mom: Eat your spinach, Kimberly. It will put color in your cheeks.

Kimberly: But, Mom, who wants green cheeks? (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 165)

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J. Golden Kimball and a regional representative were driving down the road on their way to a meeting where they planned on reorganizing the Stake, when they saw a man off in the distance out in his field. J. Golden said, “Stop, turn around and go back, that’s your man.” The regional representative said, “I don’t think so; he was smoking.” J. Golden replied “Brother I know that man is the one God wants as the new Stake President.” So they turned around and went back. J. Golden went out into the field to talk to the man. J. Golden introduced himself and then said, “I am now calling you to be the new Stake President.” The farmer replied, “I can’t do that with these damn things” (the cigarettes). J. Golden replied, “No, you are going to do it without them damn things.” (The J. Golden Kimball Stories, by Eric A. Eliason, p. 80)

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