March 10

I have cities with no houses, forests without trees, rivers without water. What am I?

A map.

What city has the most lights?

Electricity. (Electri city)

(ChurchofJesusChrist.org, “Riddles and Jokes”)

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Brother and Sister Mills had recently taken up jogging. One morning, Brother Mills tried unsuccessfully to awaken his wife.

Standing by their bed, Brother Mills said cheerfully, “The scripture says early to bed and early to rise...”

Far from under the covers came the sleepy reply, “How do you know it has been translated correctly?” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 133)

* * * * *

Methuselah at his 900th birthday party, seeing the bonfire: “I told you not to use candles any more!”

Spencer W. Kimball on his fifth birthday? “Thanks for the present! A journal? What’s that?” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 107)

* * * * *

Two men parachute from an airplane. The first pulls the ripcord, and the chute opens perfectly. The second pulls the cord–and nothing happens. He keeps falling straight down.

As the second man passes his friend, the first guy gets mad, unbuckles his harness, and shouts, “So you wanna race, huh?” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 199)

* * * * *

J. Golden Kimball: “I feel more like saying this morning, ‘Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.’”

“I have a prayer that I offer sometimes when I walk by the wayside, and I say: ‘I now place myself and all my affairs---I haven’t had any affairs, however---in the kind care and keeping of the Father, with a loving trust,’ knowing that all things are working for my best good.” (The Golden Legacy, A Folk History of J. Golden Kimball, by Thomas E. Cheney, p. 52)

* * * * *

So, You’re a Bishop? , p. 69

So, You’re a Bishop?, p. 69