March 11

Q: Who puts the leaves back on the trees in Spring?

A: The Re-leaf Society.

Q: What does every worthy young Latter-day Saint man hope to get out of a service project?

A: Food.


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Visiting with her neighbor about their teenage children, Sister Hawkes commented, “Isn’t it amazing how a teenager, who can’t seem to run a vacuum cleaner or a lawnmower can quickly learn how to drive the family car?” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 134)

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One of the brothers, after selling Joseph into Egypt: “Do you think we should pay tithing on the money we got from this?”

Joseph upon seeing his eleven brothers again: “You’re my dream come true.” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 107)

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A young girl went to Father Healey of Dublin to confess that she feared she had committed the sin of vanity. “What makes you think that?” asked Father Healey.

“Because every morning when I look into the mirror, I think how beautiful I am.”

“No need to worry, my girl,” was the reassuring reply. “That isn’t a sin; it’s only a mistake.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 199)

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J. Golden Kimball, “Now, I want to serve notice on apostates. I am willing to carry the olive branch in my hand when I associate with the children of men in the world. I have nothing but the kindliest feelings towards them; but when an apostate lifts charges against the Latter-day Saints, he lies, and I have no patience with him. I have breathed this mountain air too long that I feel inclined to discard a little of the gospel and knock such men down, and repent afterwards...” (The Golden Legacy, A Folk History of J. Golden Kimball, by Thomas E. Cheney, p. 62)

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