March 12

Q: Why kind of a pet did Lehi have?

A: A flea. The Lord told Lehi to take his family and “flea” into the wilderness.

Q: Who was the greatest babysitter in the Bible?

A: David. He was able to "rock" Goliath to sleep.


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Sister Garrison was having a bit of a struggle with her teenage son. He continually came home later than the time they had agreed to, and she worried about him.

Sister Garrison finally said to him, “Every time you worry me, I get another gray hair.”

With a smile, her son answered, “Is that why grandma’s hair is so gray?” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 134)

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A worried builder fleeing from the tower of Babel: “I don’t know what he said. It is all Greek to me.”

Melchizedek: “I get tired of everyone always asking me how I spell my name.” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 107)

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Cameron had just moved into his shiny new office and was awaiting his first client. Suddenly he heard footsteps coming down the hall towards his office. He couldn’t resist showing off a little. He picked up the phone and began talking to nobody.

“I’m quite busy right now,” he said. “Well, yes, I see. I could probably work you in sometime next week.”

He looked up and saw a man standing in front of his desk. Then he turned back to his bogus conversation: “What’s that? Next Thursday, then? Two o’clock? All right, I’ll see you then.”

Cameron hung up the phone and looked up at the man waiting to see him. “Hello. And how may I help you?”

“I don’t really need any help, sir,” the man answered. “I just came to connect your telephone.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 200)

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J. Golden Kimball: I remember reading a story about an incident that happened during the Civil War. A large committee of Christian ministers went to Washington to meet with President Lincoln. After they had performed their duties, one of the Christian ministers turned to President Lincoln, and he said, “I hope the Lord is on our side.” Then President Lincoln said, “Well, I am not much concerned about the Lord being on our side,” which was quite a shock to the ministers. “I am not concerned about that. What I am most concerned about is whether we are on the Lord’s side.” That is what I want you to be concerned about. (The Golden Legacy, A Folk History of J. Golden Kimball, by Thomas E. Cheney, p. 73)

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