March 17

An LDS missionary was an enthusiastic but not very capable cook. One day his companion saw that he was close to tears.

"Elder, what's wrong? Did you get a 'Dear John' today?"

“No. I made a meatloaf for our dinner, but our landlady's cat ate it.!"

"Don't take it so hard, Elder. We'll find her another cat."

A young woman tells her friend, “Elder Smith keeps telling everyone he’s going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world as soon as he gets back.”

“What a shame! And you’ve waited for him for almost two years now!” (

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In a Laurel Class, Sister Buttars was trying to teach the girls the value of repetition. “You can be assured that if you repeat something seven to ten times, it will be yours forever.”

On the back row, one of the girls suddenly whispered, “Ryan, Ryan, Ryan . . .” (Stories and Jokes of Mormon Folks, compiled by Bruce E. Dana, p. 136)

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You are probably a Latter-day Saint if:

You sit on the same chapel bench every Sunday even though there are no assigned seats.

When the waiter asked, “Will you be having wine with your dinner tonight?” you replied, “No, we left the whiners at home.” (Latter-day Saint Wit and Wisdom, by David J. Brown, p. 109)

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At age ten Queen Elizabeth II of England was at Glamis Castle and received a visit by a preacher. When he was leaving, he promised to send her a book. The future queen replied, ‘Oh, thank you so much. But please let it not be about God. I already know everything about Him.” (Best-Loved Humor of the LDS People, p. 203)

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J. Golden Kimball: “It takes a little education to learn how precious are the souls of the children of men in the sight of God. So we need some older men to put their hands on us younger boys and hold us down. We are a good deal like Peter. I was that way. I would have cut more than one of their ears off if there had been someone there to stick them on again.” (The Golden Legacy, A Folk History of J. Golden Kimball, by Thomas E. Cheney, p. 96)

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So, You’re a Bishop? , p. 48

So, You’re a Bishop?, p. 48